Missing the mark

I was so excited to have the opportunity to teach one of the lessons in our Spiritual Gifts class. I prayed about it all week, I asked for prayers from others, and I thought I was ready.

Guess I wasn't. Maybe I was too self-confident. I thought I knew my material and that I had some stories to emphasize the points I was trying to make. Although they meant something to me, I doubt that anyone listening connected with what I had to say.

My plan was to have a few quiet moments with the Lord in order to open myself up to him as a vessel to pour out His message prior to class. That didn't happen. A series of other events took me by surprise and broke my concentration in a big way.

It is easy to blame our failures on circumstances and situations. I blame this one primarily on no one but me.

I doubt anyone learned a thing they were supposed to in that class. I learned a thing or two, though. I learned that I don't know near as much about spiritual gifts as I thought I did, and that mine definitely is not teaching.

It has taken me two whole days to write about what happened Sunday afternoon because I find it hard to put into words the way I felt when I left the church. Humiliated. Defeated. Sad. Most of all, really, really disappointed.

However, Romans 8:28 tells us that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Good has come out of this experience. I realize that just because I want to do something doesn't always mean it is in line with God's plan. I need to do a lot more listening and not so much talking about what I can and can't do to further His kingdom.

I spent some time after Bible study this morning with a dear lady, a long time member of our congregation, who has a lot of insight and saw that I was hurting. She invited me to her home and I was able to express to her the frustration and self-condemnation I've been feeling. She helped put me back on track so I can turn my attention to the path I'm supposed to follow and pursue the ways I'm supposed to serve.

I had a great time teaching a group of young people about magazine publishing and I enjoy giving Toastmasters speeches. Standing up in front of a group of people to talk never really bothered me. This time, though, everything just went very wrong.

Somehow I just missed the mark.

Thanks for reading my blog!